My Return to The Star!!

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I swore to God & Myself that I would NEVER set foot back in Morning Star Baptist Church in Omaha, Nebraska ever again in my life. Although I “thought” I had forgiven & released others as well as myself from the events that occurred during my time there, Under the surface, I was still feeling some type of way and as I struggled with whether or not to attend church there, I felt a rumbling within me. Feelings that I had locked away began to come to the surface. God was getting ready to clean out another closet within me….time to face my skeletons. As the closet door swung open I realized that I was still Hurt & I was Angry! I was the 1st Lady, Pastor’s wife of Morning Star Baptist Church for almost 15 years. I worked, supported, lived among & Loved those people with everything within me however when “everything” happened & the marriage dissolved  “I” felt that no one publicly stood in the gap for me. I was not there to speak for myself & I felt the no one spoke up or protected me. My last Sunday at The Star (May 2013) all I wanted to do was say goodbye & I was publicly Instructed from the pulpit that I could not speak & no one spoke on my behalf. In spite of what had been said concerning the situation…Morning Star knew Me, they knew my heart, they knew my character & most importantly they knew how much I Loved Them but they quickly forgot about me. That’s how I Felt! I now realize that it was not their responsibility to cover, support or speak on my behalf. If was their responsibility to focus on the “pastor” & their church…..point blank period! As he often reminded me during our 31 year marriage “he has been called by God, not me. He is the one that is responsible for those people, not me. So those are his people, not mine.” And that became crystal clear to me. I had to understand that there is no line in the sand & no one had to pick sides (even though some people did), Morning Star could continue to love both of us & God had to take me back there so I could clearly see that.

God did exactly that! Three weeks ago I had the opportunity under the direction of God & the pressure of my mother, I returned to Morning Star. We were in town for a wedding & my mother was adamant about going to “her” church, The Star & she STRONGLY suggested I go with her. Unbeknownst to both of us…..God had already cleared the way. Of course I was nervous because I did not know what to expect but as I entered the building I felt nothing but LOVE, overwhelming, unconditional Love! It was that family reunion type of Love, that melted away everything negative that I was feeling. I realized in that moment that I needed to see them & they needed to see me. I needed to know that they still Loved Me & they needed to see that I was not longer the broken & bitter person that left almost 3 years ago….Nobody but God allowed that to happen. I now realize that my return to the place of my greatest hurt & deepest pain was yet another part of my Restoration & Redemption process. All I can say is, Too God be the Glory, another closet cleaned out, another VICTORY! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

26 thoughts on “My Return to The Star!!”

  1. My heart swells with joy for you and ur journey Ms. Traci..if only I were as strong as you to face ur fears and and bring it all out to release was has been bottled up..maybe I too could be free..I may be far away but I often think of what I heard about wat happened with u not even knowing the facts..but then seeing u smile and post nothing but positive literature..reassures me that if I put my faith n God that I can leave my tragic past behind me as well..I tend to wear a mask often as if nothing ever happened. But when I lay down at night alone because my heart is still scarred and I feel like I don’t want to give it to another only for it to be ripped to pieces and my loyalty to be disregarded..I realize that I have not let anything go..Ihave not yet healed..you are my inspiration..and i am rooting for u every step of the way..To God be the Glory..he binds up broken hearts..and I’m awaiting my turn ..xoxo Tisa K..

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    • I love you Tisa & Thank You for commenting. The transparency in your comment is a start. Start Journaling or do a video blog for just you. I promise it will help you release. There is no rush to be healed. You allow God & yourself as much time as you need for your healing to be complete. You have my number, you can call me anytime. 😘❤️

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    • Thank you yet again I understand because I had to go through something like that just not on that level but it was for my good and my God showed up and showed out love you my sister.

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  2. Goodmorning Mrs. Traci. OMG reading your message was so touching and everything you said is so true. I was feeling your emotion. I thank God you make though your storm, I commend you Mrs Traci Adams Caver “First Lady” you are a beautiful strong woman your wisdom is overwhelming to me it inspired me to focus and pray, thank God, obey his direction and follow his foot steps. I’m struggling with a old situration that I need to let go, because it’s clear they’re over it and move on. What am I waiting on? (Weighting heavy on me way to LONG I need closer to this situration. Prayers warriors in need……… THANK YOU AGAIN MRS. TRACI LOVE YOU.

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  5. I cannot say it enough..so proud of you. With thechelpbof God, you you will shine likecpure gold. I love you and pray for you always….can’t wait for the book!

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  6. I enjoyed reading how God has healed your heart. It allows you to live in the present and prepare for the future (Hope). I grew up in a home for 50+years as a Pastor/Bishop’s daughter (family. I know how hard that is. Many times I wanted to leave because my wonderful Father/Pastor wouldn’t let me “put people in their place, lol!! Oh but my spiritually Mother knew how! With Love of course! I say all that because know one knows what a Pastor’s family is going through! We just have to let the Man of God pray and let God lead them. Although my struggles may have been different from yours, I’m so proud of how you are handling your plight. I usually don’t comment, but God moved me to give you an encouraging word. See, this folks didn’t think we need that! And I know you know Sis Tracey what I’m saying, lol! But I pray for you to continue to move forward and be delighted in the Lord. You are Gods Love! I may never write anything as long again, but I was led to uplift a Sister in Christ. Remember you have been delivered and let NO ONE take that from you! Thanks for your uplifting post and continue in the path God has set before you! Many Blessings.🙏🏼🙏🏼💞

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  7. I am so extremely PROUD of you Darlin. It is AMAZING how God works through us when we feel and know we have been mistreated. Before ANY HEALING is done, we MUST ALLOW GOD to intervene first with us – in our heart, mind, body and soul. He has to replace those negative and hated feelings for FORGIVENESS AND LOVE. I’ve been there before in a different situation but with the same outcome. HALLELUJAH, HALLELUJAH, THANK YOU JESUS! LOVE YOU DARLIN – SMOOCHES………AIN’T NOBODY MAD BUT THE DEVIL!

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  8. My sister,
    Unbeknownst to you God has been preparing you for your return the whole time. It may have been his church and responsibility for the sheep but your representation of God’s power in forgiveness and redemption was paramount at the Star. I remember the broken woman of 2013 and also admire the resilient woman of 2015. You have handled a pulic scandal without Olivia Pope and continue to do your work without Iyanla Vanzant. You are a reminder to people that life’s failures do not have to rule over future endeavors. You have a ministry and you have a call from God to do his work and God removed some shadows so you can shine with his Morning Star. It may have taken you 31 years to be polished the way God needed you to be but his timing is always right. I’m so proud of you.

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  9. Omg you are absolutely a strong woman. I’m not going to say Ik it was hard but Ik it was hard to go through that feeling of just knowing somebody you loved and saw as a friend did that to you I’m so glad that your doing much much much better now. I love you and will never stop. When I heard the news I cried so I am very happy for you. If you wanna call me ever #4028719689

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    • Thank You Cierra. You can’t even imagine how much these words mean to me. Yes, the pain was unbearable at times & betrayal could have destroyed me, but I refuse be anything but BETTER because of it. Life lessons most of the time are taught in pain…This was the greatest lesson I’ve ever learned. I love you & I see you GROWING UP! Stay on your path & Keep your head to the Sky! I love you Lady. ❤

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  11. I love ready your blog, it is helping me to put more trust in God. You are such an inspiration thank you so much cousin, you will never know and I can’t wait to come and see you all. Love Lyn

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  12. It has taken me forever to respond to this because I’ve seen so much in this journey and those of us along the way have experience our own myriad of emotions. It’s funny how we sometimes all divorce when a couple does, lines are drawn in the sand, and sides are taken. Not that I’ve taken sides, although I will always support what is right, my absence from the Star was seamlessly after your departure. We’ll always be family because Christ’s blood shed on calvary made it just so, but sometimes we love from a distance and heal from another area to guard our hearts and preserve our light. Darkness and hatred are breeding grounds for us if we stay in places where we can not heal and can not be made whole. We reconcile our differences while He works on us because we know that eventually it WILL work out for us in the end. Everybody isn’t mean to come along with us for every chapter of our journey through life and that probably hurts the most because we just expect some folks to always be there. I’ve had to learn from life’s experiences and disappointments that those misplaced expectations and the flawed human condition will never measure up to anything God isn’t head of, in control of or orchestrating. Man I had to surrender those jaded expectations of even those meant to shepherd us…. as human as they are indeed, just like me. Your reflective testimony serves as a vessel for others to heal and help… and reminds us all that He is mighty to save, redeem and buy back. To God be the glory. Xoxo

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