I posted on my FB page yesterday (Oct 15, 2015) that the last 4 days have been very peculiar. My mind & emotions were all over the place. It all culminated while I was listening to Pandora Radio (y’all know I love music) the song “Remember” by Kecia Cole came on. I had heard the song several times but this time I “listened” to it. As those words filled my ears, I became completely overwhelmed as my memory flashed back to 3:00am on Nov 3, 2012…the day I left Omaha, Nebraska, the day I walked out of my 30 year marriage.

Some people believe that because I talk, write, post & blog about my feelings & what has happened in my life that I’m stuck in the past. I’ve been told that I need to “be quiet, get over it and move on”. Exactly what does that mean? Oh, I get the “be quiet” part, Not Happening and I get the “move on” part, believe me I’m Doing That…..but I’m trying to understand the “get over it” part, that’s where I’m stuck. How is that done? How do you erase 31 years of memories (good, bad, happy & sad) that can be easily triggered by a smell, a song, a picture, a voice, a phrase. a TV show, a piece of clothing & so many other things, which lead to a flood of emotions? How do you shut down your mind & heart so that you can’t remember or feel? The honest answer is You CAN’T!! But with God’s help and time, we will heal & the pain will decrease and eventually fade but there will always be a scare “the memories”.

There are some people who don’t want me to tell the story, speak my truth but I will not allow anyone but God to ever silence me again. I believe a person is only as sick as their secret and that healing-resolve can only begin when the secret is acknowledged. When we keep things bottle up inside, they become like a cancer that lies dormant, yet slowly causes destruction, so I choose to allow myself to FEEL & express those feelings by writing. Some of those writings, I choose to make public, for the benefit of myself & others. There was time in my life when I kept things bottled up inside and that nearly destroyed me and was definitely a factor in the demise of my marriage. So let me make this clear, as the wave of memories & emotions come flooding back to my mind & heart…..I will write. I will Post, I will Blog & I will Tell my story in my Words! #Revelation 12:11#

If a person wanted to date you, what would be a No-Go???

1: If they are married. I don’t care if they have been separated for 100 years, if they have not dissolved that relationship…THEY ARE STILL MARRIED. This displays a lack of respect for myself & others involved and a total disregard for the sanctity of marriage, which I “whole-heartedly” believe in.

2: If they have approached (tried to talk to), been in or still in any type of romantic relationship with my family or friends. I don’t care how long ago yall broke-up, I don’t cross that line. That’s Family/Friend code of ethic #101.
This displays no self control, low character, lack of integrity and total disrespect to myself & others involved.

3: If they are having problems with their ex-wife, ex-significant other or child/children s mother, I don’t need nor want those type of problems. I can’t control the actions of others but I can control mine & I don’t want No Extra Exterior Drama….Period!!!

4: If they are not Self Sufficient, Independent & Mature. I am 51 years old, I work 10-12 hours a day to take care of me & mine.
Self Sufficient = At least has to able to at least pay “his” own way because I can certainly pay mine.
Independent = Have his OWN (legal) source of income and his own stuff..house or apartment & car.
Mature = be able to have a mature conversation. I don’t listen to rap, I don’t “club” & I don’t hang out with children (mine are 24 & 26). I go to stepping sets, adult only (Over 35) events, movies, dinner, walks on the beach, etc..

5: If they smoke…..I can’t do smoke of any kind.

What could possibly cause people to get divorced after being married 31 years???

I’m still asking that question myself. I have Always said “Divorce is not an option” and I still stand on those words. I can admit and accept responsibility for my part in the demise of my marriage (which will be detailed in my book), but I wasn’t the one that wanted to end it, I didn’t file for divorce. I am a firm believer that with God’s help we could have overcame anything and that was my hearts desire…..to save my marriage but I guess our hearts were going in to 2 different directions so he wanted a divorce, God allowed it and had to accept it.

Would you ever marry again?

Absolutely, I will marry again because I loved being married. Marriage is not the problem, it’s the “people” in the marriage. I also realize that I’m a relationship type person. I have always been like this, I guess that’s how I stayed faithfully married for 31 years.

Have you started dating?

After leaving Omaha & my divorce, I made a conscience decision to take some time to allow God to work on/in me, focus on my children (their mental & spiritual well being) & other things that God was directing me to. Being in a relationship “marriage” for over 30 years & having it end the way it did caused some major damage to me and I’m not afraid or ashamed to admit that. Because of the length, intensity and intimacy of my relationship, I’m am aware that there will always be residue from that relationship but I am willing to do whatever it takes to minimize the effect of that residue because I certainly did not want to carry all of that baggage into a new relationship. I also didn’t want to jump right into another relationship or in/out of multiple relationships in a attempt to fill a void.
So to answer your question YES, I have started dating. 🙂