The writer wrote: Hi Ms. Traci, I’m sure you don’t remember me but we have had several encounters on the church scene here in Omaha & I can say without hesitation that you are one of the most welcoming, warm hearted, person’s (First Lady) I have ever met. No matter where I saw you….You would speak to me & hug like you really knew me…LOL! I was saddened to hear of your departure & even more saddened (sickened) over the circumstances. Of course I heard the rumors, however I choose not to involve myself in that mess, but I choose to watch how you would handle & deal with all of this & I am in AWE! Ms. Traci, when I saw you at Morning Star Labor Day weekend, I just Thanked God with tears running down my face because I could see that your Joy is Real, your Love is Genuine and your Light is Shinning. God has TRULY BLESSED YOU and it Shows! Your being in the house (MSBC) brought a Peace, a Fresh wave that since your departure…has been missing and I was Blessed to be there. I just want to know, how did you do it Ms. Traci? What steps did you take to overcome the Hurt, the Betrayal, the Public Embarrassment. How did you not become Angry, Bitter or seek revenge? How do you deal with current situation?

I can honestly say..it was not me. I wanted to do all of the things you mentioned above. Because I was hurt, I wanted to hurt the person/people that had hurt me. I can’t even explain it….it was like God “switched” me off & would not let me react and when I wanted to God placed people around me that would settle me. Even though my physical body was being affected…..mentally, emotionally & spiritually I was Numb…completely numb. God did not allow me to experience the emotions of the situation until I arrived in Florida. I now know that God placed me under the protection on my family (especially my big-sister Mariah) because of how vulnerable I would be during this process. God had to allow me to be completely broken, so that “HE” would be the foundation on which my new life would be built. For the first 4 weeks after my arrival in Florida I didn’t go church, I didn’t talk to anyone (but my sister & mom), it was just God & Me, in that little room in Lake Wales, Florida! So to answer your question…..I completely & totally surrendered MYSELF to God.

How do I deal with the current situation….I DON’T! It has nothing to do with me. God in his infinite wisdom removed me from the situation and I STAY REMOVED! I don’t allow anyone to bring me information & I don’t look for information. My Children, My Grandchildren, most of My Family & My Life is in Florida…that’s where my focus is.

I swore to God & Myself that I would NEVER set foot back in Morning Star Baptist Church in Omaha, Nebraska ever again in my life. Although I “thought” I had forgiven & released others as well as myself from the events that occurred during my time there, Under the surface, I was still feeling some type of way and as I struggled with whether or not to attend church there, I felt a rumbling within me. Feelings that I had locked away began to come to the surface. God was getting ready to clean out another closet within me….time to face my skeletons. As the closet door swung open I realized that I was still Hurt & I was Angry! I was the 1st Lady, Pastor’s wife of Morning Star Baptist Church for almost 15 years. I worked, supported, lived among & Loved those people with everything within me however when “everything” happened & the marriage dissolved  “I” felt that no one publicly stood in the gap for me. I was not there to speak for myself & I felt the no one spoke up or protected me. My last Sunday at The Star (May 2013) all I wanted to do was say goodbye & I was publicly Instructed from the pulpit that I could not speak & no one spoke on my behalf. In spite of what had been said concerning the situation…Morning Star knew Me, they knew my heart, they knew my character & most importantly they knew how much I Loved Them but they quickly forgot about me. That’s how I Felt! I now realize that it was not their responsibility to cover, support or speak on my behalf. If was their responsibility to focus on the “pastor” & their church…..point blank period! As he often reminded me during our 31 year marriage “he has been called by God, not me. He is the one that is responsible for those people, not me. So those are his people, not mine.” And that became crystal clear to me. I had to understand that there is no line in the sand & no one had to pick sides (even though some people did), Morning Star could continue to love both of us & God had to take me back there so I could clearly see that.

God did exactly that! Three weeks ago I had the opportunity under the direction of God & the pressure of my mother, I returned to Morning Star. We were in town for a wedding & my mother was adamant about going to “her” church, The Star & she STRONGLY suggested I go with her. Unbeknownst to both of us…..God had already cleared the way. Of course I was nervous because I did not know what to expect but as I entered the building I felt nothing but LOVE, overwhelming, unconditional Love! It was that family reunion type of Love, that melted away everything negative that I was feeling. I realized in that moment that I needed to see them & they needed to see me. I needed to know that they still Loved Me & they needed to see that I was not longer the broken & bitter person that left almost 3 years ago….Nobody but God allowed that to happen. I now realize that my return to the place of my greatest hurt & deepest pain was yet another part of my Restoration & Redemption process. All I can say is, Too God be the Glory, another closet cleaned out, another VICTORY! 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽