Like the Dew in the Morning,
Gently Rest Upon My Heart. Like the Dew in the Morning,
Gently Rest Upon My Heart.  ~ Judith Christie Mcallister.   Our Women’s Choir sang this song last Sunday and although I had heard & sung it years ago, on last Sunday it was different, it was relevant to Me.

Over the past few weeks I have had to make some major decisions and deal with some challenges that I thought, I was not ready for. I had to decide whether or not to make a major purchase. I had to decide whether or to put my dearest companion of 13 years (Muffin) to sleep & I had a medical crisis. I know it may not see like much to you but these are huge challenges for me because I was facing them “alone”…..which is my “new normal”. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t have that 2nd opinion, that voice of reason and that made me angry & scared. Angry because my life was not suppose to be like this & Scared because I’ve never had to do this alone.

I intentionally did not consult family & friends because I needed for me & God to do this. I needed to know for myself that I could hear his voice & follow his will & direction for my life. I needed to feel the peace of God rest upon me & in my heart concerning what was going on. I needed peace about the decisions that were made & needed to be made and God did just that. He confirmed within me that I am not alone & he is my voice of reason, my 2nd opinion.

Now after much prayer & contemplating…..the decisions have been made & I feel more empowered than I’ve ever felt. I’m feeling like a “Big Girl”. I also realize that these are the first of many challenges I will face & decisions I will make in this, my “New Normal” however I am assured that God will be right there with me but today….This Day, I’m feeling Stronger, Wiser & So Much Better, I’m feeling His Peace! We did that God!!!!! #highfive#🙌🏽🙌🏽

Moment of Transparency: It’s nights like this that I wish I had that special someone that I could I tap or call & say……”Hey, I need to talk”.

Most nights I sleep like a baby, some nights I can feel God tugging at my heart requiring my attention then there are nights like tonight where I just need to talk.

One of benefits of being married for over 31 years was having someone who I felt comfortable sharing my most intimate thoughts with. Someone who I had no doubt, cared about me & with no hesitation would wake up when I tap & answer when I call. Honestly, “sometimes” I miss that. I miss having a companion. I miss what a companion brings to my life (it has nothing to do with sex). It’s about having that significant person in your life that has you & you have them. It’s about having that person in your life that cares for you, like you care for them. It’s about having that person in your life that sacrifices for you, like you sacrifice for them. It’a about being someone’s first thought in the morning, last thought at night & constant thought in between & that person being yours. Divorce took that from me and on nights like this,  has left me alone but not hopeless. I have not given up on Love, that’s the “hopeless romantic” in me. It’s on nights like this, that I talk to God. I tell him my most intimate  thoughts. I let him know that I am focused on becoming a Better Me for Him, Me & the one he has for me. I let God know that I am going to patiently wait for him to send the person he has chosen for me to build a future with. The person who’s Actions reflect their True Feelings. The person who is patient enough to peel back the layers & tare down the walls of protection that I have erected so they can reach my heart. The person who will love & accept me for Me…flows & all. The person who wants to be on this journey of “life” with me. (YES, I am Ready & Willing to do the same.). The person who understands that I am not girlfriend material, I am Wife material!

But until then I guess I will have to get use to nights like this because I refuse to settle for less than the “one” God has for me.

I was recently asked if I could leave some “golden nuggets” on the table, what would it be. What would I consider to be the greatest lessons that life has taught me.

1: Never Say Never! ~ No matter what we say, do or think, the reality is….God is in Control. Life will do what it wants & there is nothing we can do about it. The only thing we can control is Ourselves. Either we can allow life and it’s circumstances to make us Angry, Bitter & Negative or we can choose to use those circumstances to Live Better, Do Better & Be Better. I choose BETTER!!!!!

2: Invest in You! ~ We are our Greatest commodity. Psalms 139:14 say “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well”. We were created to be Wonderful, Strong individuals, however we have allowed situations, circumstances and society to mold us into becoming weak & needy. We must strives to educate and motivate ourselves to be Wiser and Stronger…..Spiritually, Mentally, Physically and Financially. Some of us are held hostage by jobs, relationships & circumstances because we have allowed ourselves to become dependent upon someone else to take care of us. I admit, I was her. Although I have always worked, I made no provisions for “my” future, I never considered the “what if” so now I’m learning and experiencing things in my 50’s that most people learned in their 20’s & 30’s. When I say Invest in You, I’m not saying to neglect your responsibilities, it’s the opposite. By investing in you and becoming a Better You, you become a better person, a better daughter, a better mother, a better wife, a better employee, a better friend. By Investing in You, you equip yourself to be able to survive & thrive if the “what if” happens in your life. By investing in you. you become a example to others. By investing in you, you leave a legacy that your children, grandchildren & grand-children can build upon. By Investing in You…..Your making a investment for everyone you are attached to. What better Gift can you be, than to be Best You!  

3: Never Settle! ~ Very few people ever meet their true “soul mate” because we settle for what’s convenient. The him or her that fills a void, that fills the loneliness, the one that is compatible to us and has what we need. The reality is, we can’t force a relationship, either the chemistry is there or its not. If it’s not then we must have the courage to be honest with ourselves and the others and…..Move On! Just because someone is a great friend to us, does not mean they are meant to be anything more. If by chance you find “the one”, don’t allow difficult circumstances to make you give up. Make it your life’s mission to make them happy, giving 100% at all times. Always be willing to carry the weight when the other one can’t. Don’t fight with each other but fight for your relationship, against the world to keep others out, staying true to one another because True Love is never easy but it’s Always Unconditional and you may only find 1 in a lifetime.